Body Image & Acceptance

Body Image & Acceptance

Establishing trust in your body, overcoming shaming and/or guilt, along with the negative thought patterns to recycle and rebuild who is the real you.

 Help clients understand mind-body relationship; establishing trust in the body; feelings/sensations as SOS signals; overcoming and understanding: envy, jealousy, judgement, blame, hate/resentment; body image and linkage to shame/guilt imprints and patterns; revaluating stereotypes; breaking toxic habits; confidence as freedom and self-love as establishment.

 No matter who you are or what is your identity, social status and other descriptives, there is a big probability that you will have faced challenges with mind/body and its relationship. Not exclusive only to women, it applies to all individuals yet especially where it takes an overt from of manifestation is in body image of oneself. The reasons are many and the complexity of this system isn’t fully acknowledged because it isn’t as simple as ‘whether you love your body or hate it’ but rather which imprints; deeply embedded thought-forms and patterns, have taken routes and also joined with other filters and emotions/feelings, leading to the expression of an either distorted image of oneself or an unacceptable image of oneself, given that there is always a blueprint upon which we follow as the ‘model of excellence’.

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Body Image Defined

Body image is the perception that a person has of their physical self, but more importantly the thoughts and feelings the person experiences as a result of that perception. These thoughts, feelings and perceptions are filtered through the prism of aesthetics (what is modern/trendy) as well as sexual attractiveness of body (social media and other social domains).

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According to the National Eating Disorders Collaboration, the four aspects of body image are:

1. Perceptual (the way you see yourself). The way you see your body is not always a correct representation of what you actually look like. For example, a person may perceive themselves to be fat when in reality they are underweight. How a person sees themselves is their perceptual body image.
2. Affective (the way you feel about the way you look ) .There are things a person may like or dislike about the way they look. Your feelings about your body, especially the amount of satisfaction or dissatisfaction you experience in relation to your appearance, weight, shape and body parts is your affective body image.
3. Cognitive (thoughts ,feelings and beliefs) .Some people believe that they will feel better about themselves if they are thinner. Others believe they will look better if they develop more muscle. The way you think about your body is your cognitive body image.
4. Behavioural (your actions and habits which stem from the relation to the way you look). When a person is dissatisfied with the way they look, they may employ destructive behaviours such as excessive exercising or disordered eating as a means to change appearance. Some people may isolate themselves because they feel bad about the way they look. Behaviours in which you engage as a result of your body image encompasses your behavioural body image.

These four points above should be noted not only as exclusively being a basepoint for people who struggle with eating disorders but rather as a basic frame to use as reference towards body image. Body image is usually (though not always) linked to certain habits such as diets and food restrictions as well as emotional self-destructive habits as body shame, hatred of body, blame and lack of self-esteem and self-confidence. As noted before, the reasons why it manifests towards non-acceptance of body and its image are complex and have to be assessed from an individual point of view, respective to their story.

Attitudes, Beliefs, Values

Attitude can also be expressed as perspective, stance or frame of reference (Geertz, 1973). In a broader sense of the word, it can be thought of as an orientation with regard to anything.

Consider below the model constructed by Fishbein and Ajzen(1975):

Beliefs about object X -> Attitude towards X -> Intention toward X -> Behaviour toward X

This model shows that a person’s total set of beliefs about an object leads to an overall tendency towards a positive or negative evaluation; their overall evaluative attitude shapes their intentions to behave in positive or negative ways toward the object; and these intentions (unless checked) lead to behaviours that are, as a whole, positive or negative toward the object.

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Value, defined by Rokeach (1973) is ‘’an enduring belief that a specific mode of conduct or end-state of existence is personally or socially preferable’’ to its opposite. He further argues that values are more important than beliefs, among other reasons because they occupy a more central position than attitudes in one’s personality and are therefore determinants of attitudes as well as of behaviour. Values can be generally termed as what we hold most dear to us, the importance of something/someone and worth. Values also provide our motivations for doing what is deemed important to us in life, as well as offering evaluations. What’s quite important here to mention, once again, is that values are mainly unconscious as well as have a synaesthesia to them. This means that when a value is thought of or expressed there is a strong kinaesthetic attached to the word, eg the word ‘love’ may trigger momentarily, when thought of/expressed, a certain sensation or feeling attached to it. They offer us unconscious blueprints which are placed or imprinted through developmental stages of one’s life; institutions of family and environment; personal experiences.

Beliefs, on the other hand, are more conscious than values. They are the generalisations which we make to support our value(s). These generalisations are about ourselves, our actions, intentions, others and systems. Therefore a belief system is a cluster of beliefs that support a value.

Core beliefs and values are formed through conscious and unconscious modelling(identification); significant emotional events which can be either positive or negative; conscious and unconscious decisions we make; and routine experiences and behaviours.

Schemas and Scripts

Schema, according to Taylor and Crocker (1981) is a more organized and complex mental construct than an attitude, and one that doesn’t need to have a specific object in the evaluative sense. Thus extraversion-introversion is a schema which involves conceptions about people, used in perceiving the social scene and ‘’filling out’’ incoming sensory data. It is therefore also possible to think of schemas as the belief part of an attitude or of attitudes as a special kind of schema that includes an evaluative component (Pratkanis, 1989).

Scripts, are sometimes treated as schemas, a script is therefore a prescribed sequence of behaviours that occurs in a particular setting, eg. standard behaviours that a person enacts in a restaurant.

Schemas and scripts may be of great influence to certain habitual behaviours and rituals an individual uses when dealing with a distorted or negative body image. There are certain choices which were taken, consciously and unconsciously, which have led an individual to the place they are now, for this reason, it is useful to observe through a Gestalt principle where ‘the whole is greater than the sum of its parts’.

The self vs Identity

The concept of self (me and I as subjective and objective) is the sum total of the individual’s thoughts and feelings about himself or herself as an object (Rosenberg 1979). Self-concept is composed of various identities, attitudes, beliefs, values, motives and experiences along with their evaluative and affective components (eg self-efficacy or self- esteem) in terms of which each individual define themselves.

Identity refers to who or what one is and the various meanings attached to oneself by self and others. From a sociological perspective, the concept of self -identity refers to the self- characterizations individuals make in terms of group memberships, social roles and categories as well as the various character traits an individual displays and other attribute to them on basis of her/his conduct. To put it in a nutshell, identity is the most public aspect of self.

Identification and Identity

The process of identification as a basis for the theory of motivation was set by Foote(1951) and ‘’self-dynamics’’. According to Foote, individuals have multiple identities and these identities are in fact active agents which influence one’s behavioural choices. They thus provide behaviour with meaning, goals and purpose.

Stone(1962) distinguishes between identification of vs identification with. Identification of- is to distinguish between various persons and positions in society identification with– to take on an identity. Thus the notion of self and identity are separate. Identity is not a substitute word for self but rather a situatedness of the person in terms of standing in the context of a particular relationship or group.

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Another important term is role-identity, where the character and role an individual constructs being as an occupant of a particular social position; the social structures to people. The multifaceted nature of self (each being an identity) is tied to a multifaceted nature of society (McCall and Simmons, 1966).

Lastly, social identity theory developed by Tajfel(1981) emphasise how group membership and belonginess have consequences for interpersonal and intergroup relations. In the process of searching for a positive sense of self, people compare their group with relevant other groups and act to create a favourable distinction between the groups, this can be at times with negative consequences for intergroup relations (for example conflict/discrimination). We search for the self in others and others in self, as Wilder(1986) argues, groups which we categorize others have relevance for our own social identity. All in all, self-conceptions are the products of various imminent processes (those that directly infringe on us) with socializing consequences such as : learning of social roles, values and beliefs; language acquisition; commitment to identities or adjustment of identity loss and the processes of social comparison, self-attributions and reflected appraisals.

Basic Emotions

During the 1970s, psychologist Paul Eckman identified six basic emotions that he suggested were universally experienced in all human cultures. The emotions were happiness, sadness, disgust, fear, surprise, and anger. He later expanded his list of basic emotions to include such things as pride, shame, embarrassment, and excitement.

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Emotions are just expressions, a feedback that it expressed by the body through sensations and feelings. They are categorized, labelled and filtered through the mind and called anger; rage; worry; anxiety or fear. We have certain feelings which connected to thought and thought processes which in turn connect to somatic processes of emotional expressions. Through our state, the unconscious mind and its signals along with our thought patterns (and imprints) prompts us to have an experience of an emotion. The feelings and sensations are not the same as the label we assign to emotion but repetitive thought and automatization of our minds through habits and learning have created labels for each emotion and what they mean. What truly is felt, its intensity and extent along with the finer components of our internal reference structure may be far away from the label, what’s more every person experiences differently each nominalization, also known as emotions.

The Unconscious Mind and Emotions

Our unconscious mind expresses itself through feelings and sensations in the body, as well as habits and habitual practices, for example: feeling pain, feeling dizzy etc.

The conscious mind tries to make sense of the environment internally and externally, naturally since its domain is language and structure, it assigns labels to these unconscious processes. Emotions felt in the body are sensations and through our mind and filters we nominalize this experience and express it as emotion. When this is done, we loose touch with the true feeling and may find ourselves too busy trying to explain an emotion and forgetting or even at times altering the original sensations/feelings experienced in the body at certain locations.

The key to change lies within the unconscious mind restructure and bringing it forward as homework for the conscious mind.

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Guilt

Guilt can be termed to be a self-conscious emotion since it involves introspection and reflecting on oneself. There are many reasons why people feel guilty, it could be some acts they committed or acts which they think they committed. It can also mean failing to do something that is deemed necessary or even moral. Guilt has a high social relevance and has its importance in building and keeping interpersonal functions and relationships. However when and where guilt is contorted, mismatched or distorted due to deeply imbedded thought forms, patterns and imprints it can feel very dwarfing to oneself and life circumstances as well as people relations.

Both guilt and shame may have its roots in childhood experiences with immediate family and especially influence of mother. As before aforementioned, my work focuses predominately with women, upon numerous clients ive had, I came to see this as a somewhat hypothetical scenario.     Whether it is due to the repressed inner child or the hurt inner child or even more prevalent- the lost inner child, there appears to be an underlining state that has been fixated with such emotions. What’s particularly interesting is that the emotion may not have been registered as guilt or shame by the individual and so has found its way coupling with other emotions such as sadness in addition to concepts of self, such as self-worth and self-esteem.

Shame

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A prevalent and basic emotion, which like guilt may not be easily registered especially when coupled with traumatic events or events where the individual felt like a victim and instead of their perpetrator feeling the shame, they would usually (though not always) feel shameful and even guilty. It is also worth noting that, shame and guilt may couple very easily together and be quite unconscious buried within self defence systems, layers of filters and many a times- denial. There is usually (though not always) a split that is felt, a sense of emptiness, when shame/guilt or both are tackled which is also why its very important to know how to overcome certain mechanisms and patterns which have been learned as efforts of self to avoid circumstances that will lead to these emotions displayed. By this statement what I mean to say is this: if the shame and guilt are invalid or emotions that have been labelled as such with the reasoning of a past event(s) that has falsely persuaded an individual to feel in such a way, then re-learning and overcoming is the ultimate goal. As with all emotions(nominalisations) they have a negative and positive attribute, more essentially so is that they are sensations and feelings stored in the body and mind as a submodality ( see more in Section Overcoming Guilt & Shame).

Judgement and Stereotypes

Judgement defined by Oxford Dictionary:

‘’an opinion that you form about something after thinking about it carefully; the act of making this opinion known to others’’.

Judgements are mental patterns overtly expressed through language and nonverbal behaviour. Usually (though not always) they couple and find nest in stereotypes, if they are deeply held beliefs and judgements about certain groups or characteristics.

Stereotypes, defined by social psychologists, are generalized beliefs or set of beliefs aimed at a particular category of people. This being said, stereotypes can and usually are stated unconsciously, sometimes naively, yet they may in many cases also lead to prejudices and/or discrimination towards that certain group of people. To that we add the definition by Oxford Dictionary, ‘’a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing’’ .

In the concept of body image, our judgments and stereotypes take on internal force which usually (though not always) finds a pairing with inner(toxic) dialogue.

Blame

Oxford dictionary definition:

‘’to think or say that somebody/something is responsible for something bad’’

Blame, like judgement, consists of mental patterns overtly expressed through language and nonverbal behaviour. Usually (though not always) blame and judgement go hand in hand, following logic of someone/something did something bad- that itself is a label which then easily proceeds to judgement which may or may not proceed to stereotype.

When blame takes an internal, introspective form, the self and its identities battle with who is to blame who. This deeply unconscious process is also made conscious through certain behaviours, habits, internal/external states and their shifts as well as inner dialogue. Its important to understand where the onset, as well as perception of blame originated from and work in the domain of the real issue. Extreme or repetitive blame may lead to feelings of hatred, or further resentment, towards others or oneself or both. The vicious cycle may seem never-ending and an individual feels stuck, lacking choice and may lead to aggression/anger expressions or anxiety/worry. Once again, it is very important to note, the reasons why it manifests towards non-acceptance of body and its image are complex and have to be assessed from an individual point of view, respective to their story.

Envy and Jealousy

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Social psychologist Richard H.Smith defines and distinguishes between the two emotions noting that, envy is when we lack a desired attribute enjoyed by another, whereas jealousy is when something we have is threatened by a third person. With that being said, envy can be viewed as a two-person situation whereas jealousy is a three-person situation. Envy is a reaction to lacking something/someone. Jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing something/someone. Both envy and jealousy, usually (though not always) couple together and as such can be very difficult to understand of draw a line where one starts and other ends. Its also important to note that envy, unlike jealousy, doesn’t contain a sense of betrayal and likewise if the rival/thing that a person feels jealous of has some disadvantages that are perceived or even fantasized then that person will not feel inferior. On the other hand, if one perceives a threat (real or imagined) and if additionally, it is coupled with other emotions such as anger, shame, embarrassment as well as feelings of inferiority, jealousy can be a very destructive emotion to the self as well as on a social scale.

In the Western world we live in that is highly reliant and has culturally, socially and psychology embedded us with certain presuppositions and stereotypes, it is a question if jealousy and envy are simply normal by-products of the world we live in. These two emotions are included here in this section since they along with stereotypes and judgements act as a display screen in the framework of how we feel, what we feel and why we feel certain things about ourselves and our bodies. Whether we choose to blame and shame ourselves or others around us, the fact remains: we have lost trust in ourselves and our bodies, if we wish to change then we need to take a choice now to accept who we are as an integrative whole not as an isolated unit.

 The Core of Self and Selves

Spiritual coach, Anne Matheson sees self -value and value of the self as a dance that flows in seven steps. These are self -awareness; self- worth; self -esteem; self -love; self -confidence; self -respect and self- realisation. Below we will look at self-awareness; self-worth; self-esteem; self-love; and self-confidence since they are selected as relevant to concept of body image and acceptance of it. (see also article ‘I am more than my name’).

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Self-Awareness

Self -awareness is awareness of your existence and that you are different to all other people around you, that you are you. This starts in infants around the age of two years old, when the child learns to distinguish himself/herself from his/her mother/father and understands their own noise, their own doing. The infant also understands how to create and shape surroundings thus acquiring certain patterns of control to help them achieve their desired goal/outcome.

According to Courtney E.Ackerman(MA), ‘Self-awareness is the ability to see yourself clearly and objectively through reflection and introspection. ’In addition to this, Tasha Eurich(PhD) states that there are in fact two types/categories of self- awareness : ‘internal self-awareness’ which shows ‘how clearly we see our own values, passions, aspirations, fit with our environment, reactions (including thoughts, feelings, behaviours, strengths, and weaknesses), and impact on others’. The other, ‘external self-awareness’, is the understanding how others view us in terms of same factors as listed above. One isn’t favoured more than the other but rather an integrated whole of both gives a person advantage in their surroundings.

Self-Worth

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Self -worth is an understanding as well as acceptance that you have a quality of being and this quality of worth is the same for everyone on our planet. Rather than being developed, self -worth is uncovered and discovered through being emotionally honest with oneself as well as an increased understanding of yourself and others in your immediate environment. The basis of this value develops at the ages of 2-6 years and through the influence of mother and mothering. That being said, if the mothering influence isn’t there or if the mother herself has low sense of self-worth, this trait will properly not develop very solidly. If self-worth isn’t developed well and correctly, it can lead to a person becoming self-centred, ego-centric due to loss of one’s own true power. This in turn can lead to the person never fully becoming an adult, avoiding or keeping away from true intimacy, preventing oneself to fulfilment of one’s goals/dreams as well as the source of emotional pain.

Self-Esteem

On the other hand, self-esteem unlike self-worth is a trait that is actively developed throughout one’s life. As Anne Matheson puts it, ‘’it is the compassion, caring and love for yourself that is established through evaluations of yourself and is based on the criteria you hold for how people should operate in the world’’. Here I will briefly note that the above trait is by far the most complex one since it holds a cluster of patterns that are acquired from early years as well as internal references and modes of sensations and perceptions of oneself and the environment. For this reason, I will further evaluate on this topic in other sectors.

Self-esteem is reflective of one’s self honesty, self -responsibility, self- trust and integrity and it can be said therefore that without a solid sense of self- esteem, a person never feels ‘’good enough’’. This trait initially develops during the years of 7-10, through the aspect of love that comes from the influence of the father. The child at this age seeks to find validation and love, both externally and internally, from the father figure. If this influence is missing or not adapted correctly, self- esteem becomes self- importance and opens the door to a variety of possible behaviours such as: desire to blame others; criticism without basis; punishing the self and others; judgement and jealousy as well as self-pity through being a martyr and victim.

Its very interesting to note here, self-esteem and self-worth are assimilated and acquired through the parenting role as well as at early stages of a child’s life, under the age of 10 years. The two traits are the core within the core, the bud, if you may, that will open in bloom to other traits or wither. Nowadays we clearly see the negative impact and its toll on individuals who lack of self-worth and self-esteem or who have these traits severely affected or undeveloped. The core of the environment in our given society is the family unit, that being said if parents are absent, these mother/father roles and influences can be taken up and exchanged with other members of community to which the child has trust and closeness. Thus, here we observe the importance of closeness, care and love and the feelings and sensations that their corresponding manifestations make in the body as well as imprinting.

Self-Love

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Like self- worth, self- love is assimilated and uncovered, understood and accepted. It is defined by Anne Matheson as, ‘’the compassion and caring that you have and show to yourself, which you give to yourself’’. The giving, the commitment, intimacy, forgiveness and understanding oneself on a deeper level – ‘’to know thyself’’. When one has a strong sense of self love, their life is filled with security, safety, trust and belonging. This trait is a lifelong discovery and if it isn’t understood and accepted then a behaviour of self -serving may develop with a need for external approval, praise and external guarantees in life. The result of this is a sense of separation, feelings of loneliness (which are usually denied) and pain which further gives way to more pain and separation to continue. This concept and trait has been widely misunderstood and though some cultures have bridged the gap to understand and cultivate this, Western societies are predominately separated- as a community(external) and within oneself (internal). As expressed in article ‘’Kill Her or Become Her’’, our paradigm of ourselves is that of a society that has upheld high value in social media, empty comparisons, bullying, hate, shame and a general apathy towards one another. To know this doesn’t mean to view the world through a pessimistic lens but rather to be made aware and to choose which tools will make or break us, which paths will lead us to an accomplishment and greater realisation of ourselves with our potentials. Happiness will come, instead of striving for an idealist, post-card version of happiness, we should choose to challenge ourselves and our deeply embedded though forms to acquire skills to know how to adapt, how to change our state, our point of reference(s) and most importantly how to go about and live a life not exist in a life. To put it simply is to quote Oscar Wilde, ‘’to live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all’’.

Self-Confidence

This is a trait that is developed and earned, it is to be able to depend on oneself, that is to have reliance, trust and belief in self. Self -confidence gives us true, personal power which makes us be able to act for ourselves, to create and most importantly to have an impact upon our reality. This trait is not only developed over a period of time but rather is constantly tested through challenges we set for ourselves in life. If self- confidence fails to be properly developed or is weakened or busted, it may become self -delusional. In addition to this, self -pity comes into play (along with victimization) which is also followed usually by a desire to revenge the misfortunes that we see filling our lives. When we access this state of revenge, we can easily drift into self- punishment and/or punishment of others.

Integration and Transformation

Wholeness       

Through integrating the unconscious mind and the conscious; tackling the frame of reference, understanding the choice(s) to be made and the willingness to take the necessary steps to a whole and unified self.

Awareness:

When one is unaware, one is separate, in separation we build walls and defences and keep the loop of pain, emotions and other imprints, not understanding the prison we create unconsciously.

Choice:

What choices have we made to be here and what choices will we make to change

What is our intention

What is our goal and outcome

See article :

Smith, R.H.(2014, January 3). What is the Difference Between Envy and Jealousy?. Psychology Today, retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/joy-and-pain/201401/what-is-the-difference-between-envy-and-jealousy